Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
