Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
