Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
