haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
