Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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