Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize