A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
