i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
