He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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