Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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