If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
