Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
