need another drink. this is the easiest way
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
