I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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