OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
