So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
