T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
