you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
