my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
