Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
