I will die if light touches me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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