i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
