when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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