all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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