Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
