I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
