So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
