If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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