I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
