If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
