His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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