Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
