you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
