i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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