Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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