ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
