Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
