If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
only if we run a train.
done.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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