Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Can you bring me the toilet please
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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