I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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