just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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