i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
