just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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