I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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