It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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