I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
