I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize