I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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