apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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