Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
