I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
