Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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