All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
