You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
