I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
