I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
