I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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