whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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