my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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