Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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